Our stories make us in who we are .. there are three types of stories: official ones we share with the world, the ones we share with our friends, and the deep ones we are discovering as we go through our journey.
My story started in the USSR in a wonderful castle looking house… with a rocket scientist stepfather, in charge of a large part of the Soviet peace space programme; a mother, one of the dedicated doctors for the Soviet government; and a really powerful / slightly scary Soviet senior executive granddad, representative of Estonia in Moscow at that time. What you saw on the outside was a perfect safe upbringing in an “affluential” Soviet family, what was happening on the inside was feeling: how will I prove to those powerful people that I am good enough to belong?
When I was 8, my school teacher asked my mum whether she had a birth trauma during my delivery: Tatiana, an MD on the trading floor in the leading international investment bank was truly born in that moment. I still remember the snow flakes falling on my face as I saw my mum’s tears when we walked home from school. I thought to myself whatever this teacher told my mum, I will prove her wrong .. I did graduate with honours; that teacher came to say sorry during my final exams.. And my journey of proving myself started…. proving that I belong, proving that I am good enough and smart enough …
I did not stop proving myself since.. until three years ago, my body gave me a gift of a perfect burnout which I could not ignore. Since that time I went on a journey of studying human behaviour, psychology, learning what makes us tick and discovering what made me in who I am and what differentiates a truly fulfilled person from a Success Drained one ..and actually asking myself what do I want not what I need to do to gain external validation.. I am done now with proving myself! I am moving to accepting myself and expressing my weird genius !! Watch this space !
What stories define you? Where do you base your actions on seeking external validation rather than following what truly sets your soul on fire
?